Twenty Years On

Two decades after living for the London nightlife, I went to see one of my old favourite bands and realised how different freedom feels now. The music hasn’t changed, but I have

Twenty years ago, nights in East London. I was working as a journalist, going out most evenings and recovering on weekends. I’d just met the man who would become my husband and by 2005 he was my gig buddy.

One of the bands I loved back then are on tour again, marking the 20th anniversary of their first album. And I loved that album. I was living it.

At the gig at the Roundhouse in London, I noticed the lyrics to one of their songs:

This scene is dead but I’m still restless

An hour or so ‘til last call I guess

I shouldn’t even be here much less

Drinking myself into excess

And it ends:

You can’t go home

The night is young

I’m blacking out

But it’s been...

Hearing those words again hit differently. The whole album - played from start to finish - suddenly sounded like an anthem for the excess I once thought was normal. I hadn’t listened to it in years, but standing there in one of my favourite London venues, it all became clear.

Those feelings of pure joy and abandon came rushing back. I could see my younger self in some small East London venue, eyes wide, heart thumping, beer in hand. Remembering it made me smile.

It’s taken me a couple of years to find my sober feet, but that’s not a bad thing. I still feel like me - just steadier, lighter. These days I sample whatever alcohol-free options the venue has on offer, and I always pack a cheeky chocolate bar to eat while everyone else soaks their liver in booze. Honestly, I know what I’d rather be doing.

It was great to see so many alcohol-free options, even a section of the bar menu dedicated to them . My drink was delicious and while the support act played, I unwrapped my chocolate. No one else was doing that, and somehow it felt rebellious!

It’s funny, 20 years ago, I thought rebellion meant staying out late and losing control. Turns out it can look like sipping an AF cocktail, eating chocolate and remembering how far you’ve come. Who needs a hangover when you’ve got good music, good memories and a bar of chocolate!

NB: the band are We Are Scientists if anyone was a fan!