The Sunday Sober Stories

Today's Sunday Sober Story comes from the lovely Romana Richards, who has been alcohol-free since January 2021

Romana’s story is one so many women will relate to; on the outside holding everything together while privately battling shame, anxiety and the exhausting cycle of trying to moderate. After a blackout during lockdown became her wake-up call, she made the decision to step away from alcohol for good.

Now, she describes sobriety not as restriction, but as peace. From restoring a 160-year-old home in Aberdeenshire to cold water dips, gardening, yoga and helping other women find freedom from alcohol, Romana has built a life rooted in calm and self-trust.

Her story is honest, thoughtful and full of hope for anyone wondering whether life without alcohol could actually feel better than the life they’re trying so hard to hold onto.

Tell me a bit about yourself: I’m 45, married and a proud step-mum to two grown up daughters. My husband and I are currently restoring our 160-year-old home in Aberdeenshire, which is very much a labour of love. I spent 18.5 years with the Police before moving to my current role helping to inspire young people into positive destinations. I am a trained sober coach working with high-functioning women to step into an alcohol-free life that truly supports them.

1. Can you tell me a little about what your relationship with alcohol used to look like?

Alcohol was woven into almost every part of my life. I drank socially, but I also drank emotionally. Whenever I felt anxious, uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or unsure of myself, I used alcohol to numb and escape. One drink was never enough and so I’d have a few more. And so, the cycle went on. Outwardly, I looked health conscious: exercising regularly, eating well, and appearing to “do life right.” But behind the scenes, alcohol dominated my weekends, holidays, my moods, and how I showed up in my relationships. Shame was a constant companion, even if I tried to laugh it off—especially the worry about what I might have said or done the night before.

2. What was your “enough is enough” moment, or did it happen more gradually for you?

There was a very clear moment. On 29 March 2020, the night the country I was living in went into COVID lockdown, I drank heavily at a dinner party we were hosting. I blacked out completely. The next morning, my partner told me I had projectile vomited all over the kitchen floor and had been unkind to him, something I had no memory of at all.

Seeing a photo of me the night before broke something open in me. I realised I was jeopardising the relationship I cared about most. Nor was I living by my values. That morning, I decided to stop drinking and use lockdown as an opportunity to see what might be possible without alcohol.

I quit for five months and felt incredible. As the world opened up again, I began trying to moderate, but after many yoyo attempts at quitting, I finally stepped away from alcohol completely on 29 January 2021. It genuinely remains the best gift I have ever given myself.

3. What were your biggest fears about stopping drinking? And did any of them come true?

My biggest fears were:

• Who will I be without alcohol?

• Will people still accept me?

• Will I still be fun, interesting, and loved?

• How will I cope with difficult emotions?

  
  

None of those fears came true in the way I had imagined. Life didn’t become smaller, it became calmer, richer, and more intentional. I didn’t lose myself when I stopped drinking; I finally met myself.

4. How did the people around you react when you decided to stop drinking?

My partner was relieved. He had already reached his limit and had been honest with me that something had to change. More broadly, people adapted some more slowly than others. Those who truly mattered valued my company, not what was in my glass. Sobriety also clarified which relationships were rooted in genuine connection and which revolved around alcohol, and that clarity became an unexpected gift.

5. What surprised you the most about sobriety – good or bad?

The biggest surprise was how peaceful life became. I expected deprivation; instead, I found relief. I slept better, my anxiety softened, and my nervous system finally settled. I was also surprised by just how much time and mental energy alcohol had been consuming—planning, drinking, recovering, repeating. Once that loop disappeared, life truly opened up.

6. What’s been the most helpful thing in staying sober (tool, mindset, habit, or support)?

Understanding that moderation simply doesn’t work for me was key. Once I accepted that, the mental gymnastics stopped. Support mattered deeply too: reading quitlit, joining sober communities, building gentle routines, and learning to sit with my emotions rather than run from them. Remembering that when life gets tough, and it naturally does at times, being sober actually guides me through it. Sobriety became less about white knuckling and more about care, curiosity, and compassion.

7. Have your social life and relationships changed since becoming alcohol free? If so, how?

Yes, and in the best possible way. I learned who my true friends are. I also realised I’m quite introverted and no longer needed alcohol to perform or overstimulate myself socially. I prioritise connection over chaos, show up to events more present and leave when I’m ready. My relationship deepened, and I eventually married my partner. I love that I remember every detail of our wedding day and was fully present for it all.

I’ve also seen a beautiful ripple effect. Some people around me have changed their relationship with alcohol or stepped away from it entirely. One friend told me I’d shown her a version of life she always knew felt right for her deep down, even when it didn’t fit societal expectations. She’s now been alcohol free for over two years.

8. What does selfcare look like for you now that you’re not drinking?

Selfcare is woven into my daily life:

• Cold water dipping for mental and physical clarity

• Gardening and nurturing plants from seed

• Reading again, something I’d lost for years

• Movement like yoga and running

• Caring for our dog, Frank

• Going to bed at sensible times

• Waking up feeling refreshed and energised

• Looking after my health and wellbeing with love rather than punishment

It’s quieter, slower, and deeply nourishing.

9. If you could go back and speak to yourself in those early days, what would you say?

I would say:

You’re not broken. You’re exhausted from trying to survive something that no longer works for you.

Keep going. It doesn’t have to be graceful; it just has to be honest. Everything you’re looking for is on the other side of this decision.

10. What’s one thing you want other women to know about life without alcohol?

Sobriety doesn’t take your life away; it gives it back to you. You don’t lose joy, connection, or freedom; you gain clarity, time, selftrust, and contentment. When you stop numbing your life away, you finally get to live it, and truly believe that everything is possible again.

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Thank you for sharing your story with us. You can follow Romana on Instagram here: Instagram.com/rebalancewithromana