The Sunday Sober Stories

Rosie Conaty's story is a reminder that sobriety doesn’t have to begin with a dramatic rock-bottom moment. Sometimes it starts with a simple pause

For many people, drinking is simply part of life, woven into celebrations, friendships and everyday routines. But sometimes the habits we’ve always accepted begin to raise uncomfortable questions. In this honest and reflective conversation, we hear from a woman who grew up in a culture where alcohol was everywhere, spent years living life at full throttle and eventually reached a point where something had to change.

What began as a one-month break in July 2022 slowly evolved into a completely different way of living - one rooted in self-care, clarity and connection. Now alcohol-free and trained as a sober coach, she shares the moments that made her question her drinking, the fears she faced about stopping and the joys she discovered on the other side.

1. Can you tell us a little about what your relationship with alcohol used to look like?

I grew up in Ireland, where drinking is deeply embedded in the culture. Like many of my peers, I started drinking in my early teens. In the summer of 1996, I moved to London and with that, came greater freedom and endless opportunities to party. From then on, burning the candle at both ends became my way of life for the next two decades, partying hard and living for the next night out.

2. What was your “enough is enough” moment — or did it happen more gradually for you?

For me it was a combination of the two, gradual with some pivotal moments along the way. In 2016, I was working in a homeless hostel for women. I recall carrying out an IBA (Identification Brief Assessment) for a client, who was concerned about her drinking and thinking, wow, she’s drinking less than me and scoring high on the chart. This spurred me on to carry out my own IBA and my result was off the chart. I went to my GP to see what help was available. I was asked if I was an ‘all or nothing’ person and I thought, no, I am not quite ready to stop completely. Instead, I was given the option of joining an alcohol control group. At the time, this served a purpose, but I also used it to compare and minimise my drinking with some of others in the group, who were alcohol dependent.

Fast forward to 2021-2022, during the pandemic with pubs closed, my drinking started to creep up during the week. Wine with dinner, followed by a glass or two of rum. I had also picked up cycling again to commute to work.

Then, as restrictions lifted and pubs reopened, I found myself heading to the pub after work and didn’t think twice about cycling home afterwards. One evening after a few too many, I was adamant I was ok to cycle home. Needless to say, it didn’t end well. This was the turning point for me, where I began to question my drinking again. Finally in July 2022, at the age of 45, after a heavy weekend of drinking (no cycling involved) I decided to hit pause for a month. My intention was not to quit for good, but something shifted. I felt so good, physically and mentally, that I’ve kept going and not looked back.

3. What were your biggest fears about stopping drinking? And did any of them come true?

For me, it was the fear of failure and not being able to stop. I really did want to break the cycle, but I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to, so I just continued to drink. In hindsight, I was just making excuses. The deal breaker was when I made my commitment to hit pause and telling my partner I was doing so! Very similar to coaching, in that you set your intention and hold yourself to account!

4. How did the people around you react when you decided to stop drinking?

A small number of people made a few judgy comments at the start. I reminded myself, I am doing this for me, not them. Overall, the majority have been incredibly supportive and encouraging. I surround myself and socialise with people who get it!

5. What surprised you the most about sobriety — good or bad?

My sweet tooth and sugar cravings intensified. At the time, I didn’t realise it was a result of the dopamine disruption. It was only when I did my sober coach training, I learned about this and the importance of nutrition, especially early on, as your brain chemistry changes.

6. What’s been the most helpful thing in staying sober (tool, mindset, habit, or support)?

When I got to the end of July 2022, I asked myself, why do I want to undo all that I have achieved by drinking alcohol again? I focused on how I felt, more energy, clarity and presence.

Also, training to become an alcohol sober coach with Janey Lee Grace of The Sober Club. Knowing first hand, all the benefits of an alcohol-free lifestyle, I am passionate and invested in helping others, to achieve the same.

7. Have your social life and relationships changed since becoming alcohol-free? If so, how?

My social life has definitely improved since quitting booze. There are no more blackouts, waking up in the horrors, trying to fill in blanks from the night before. I have more money, I can go out more, I know when to leave and more importantly, I remember how to get home. I love music and go to a lot of gigs and festivals. I feel a better connected to the music. There are so many great alcohol-free options available in most bars and venues. I don’t feel I am missing out, by not drinking alcohol.

8. What does self-care look like for you now that you’re not drinking?

Self-care for me is eating well, cycling and getting adequate sleep. Earlier on, I found I always needed to be doing something, with the time I gained back. I’m at a stage in my life, where I am learning that I don’t always have to be busy or doing something. Resting and taking it easy are also great acts of self-care.

9. If you could go back and speak to yourself in those early days, what would you say?

You don’t need alcohol to have a good time.

10. What’s one thing you want other women to know about life without alcohol?

It is the biggest act of self-care you can give yourself. The benefits are endless, and it gets better with time. If you are sober curious and looking to break the cycle, don’t put it off, start today.

Thanks for sharing your story Rosie! You can follow her on social media here.