The Sunday Sober Stories

After years of drinking to escape boredom and loneliness, a breast cancer diagnosis and a series of blackouts pushed Nicola Wood to reassess her relationship with alcohol

Nicola Wood’s relationship with alcohol began like many, teenage fun that morphed into a coping tool for boredom, loneliness and the pressures of adult life. After breast cancer treatment and years of trying to moderate, she realised alcohol had taken more from her than it ever gave. What began as a quiet, personal decision has led to a life that’s fuller, freer and far more adventurous than she ever imagined.

Now two years sober, Nicola has found confidence, calm and a new sense of purpose; all without the glass in her hand.

1. Can you tell us a little about what your relationship with alcohol used to look like?

I started drinking as a teenager and would always have considered myself a heavy drinker. My life was all about going out and partying. After children I would say I used alcohol as a numbing for boredom and loneliness and started drinking more at home and on my own. My consumption was increasing and I would easily be drinking three bottles of wine during the week and another two at the weekend. The thought of not drinking horrified me as it has become so tied in with my personality.

2. What was your “enough is enough” moment — or did it happen more gradually for you?

It happened more gradually. I had been diagnosed with Breast Cancer and my bilirubin levels were noted as high because of my drinking. I stopped immediately throughout chemo but never considered this was ‘forever’. My drinking started again and I would find I was drinking so much I was getting more and more blackouts which I found incredibly embarrassing. I began to get ‘sober curious’ having realised that moderation was not going to be an option for me. One weekend I just realised I didn’t want to feel hungover again and that alcohol was controlling my life and I no longer wanted that. I didn’t discuss it with anyone as it was a decision for me, no one else. Their opinion did not matter.

3. What were your biggest fears about stopping drinking? And did any of them come true?

Failure. I hate failing and worried that I would not be able to stop drinking. I was also worried what other people would say – they always knew me as the party person – would they still want to spend time with me?

I didn’t fail as I set myself up with support and worked hard to change my mindset. This was invaluable. My friends were generally supportive and actually a number of others stopped drinking shortly after me. And actually I was the one who changed more, not them and I didn’t want to be going out all the time!

4. How did the people around you react when you decided to stop drinking?

Generally supportive. The usual comments – will this be forever, will you start again, you weren’t that bad – and then they would tell me that they don’t have a problem with their drinking.

5. What surprised you the most about sobriety — good or bad?

That I thought I needed alcohol to have fun because that was what I taught myself. I now realise I don’t – I have fun but just don’t have to stay out until 2am and forget half the night!

That I am not as sociable as I perhaps thought – I just wanted people to drink with me.

How it has changed my outlook on life and how much more I get done and enjoy and look forward to. My mind is no longer thinking about when I can next have a drink – I have a freedom which is the best feeling.

6. What’s been the most helpful thing in staying sober (tool, mindset, habit, or support)?

Two main things: you have got to WANT it and having a change of mindset for sure – you have to no longer place any value in alcohol – that to me has made such a massive shift. Realising that the alcohol companies have been selling to us for so long that alcohol in society has become normalised. I feel sorry for people who have to drink now! The habit can actually be broken fairly easily.

7. Have your social life and relationships changed since becoming alcohol-free? If so, how?

My network of friends has reduced dramatically. It was interesting that I became quite bored of their chat as they became more drunk so I actually would opt out of nights out!

I have rekindled my love of theatre and cinema and do that with friends instead of going down the pub. And I have become much more adventurous! I go away on my own on adventure holidays which I would never in a million years thought I could have done. I became the principle carer for my terminally ill sister who was able to count on me 100% which made a huge difference to her. I have been present for my two boys when they have needed me and my husband has massively reduced his drinking too.

8. What does self-care look like for you now that you’re not drinking?

Reading books I enjoy, exploring spirituality (I go to sound spas regularly), a cup of tea, being kinder to myself as I’m not beating myself up for having drunk too much when I said I wasn’t going to.

9. If you could go back and speak to yourself in those early days, what would you say?

You will love sobriety and wish you had done it sooner. In fact you will wish you had never drunk alcohol at all! You will be an inspiration for others and you will meet wonderful people along the way. You will gain clarity of thought and be able to.

10. What’s one thing you want other women to know about life without alcohol?

Not sure I can say one thing!!

You will learn to sit with and process your emotions rather than masking them. It will not always be easy, but you will feel so incredibly proud of yourself. You will make much better decisions on all aspects of your life. You will have sugar cravings but that’s ok. You will be happy and you will be sad – that is life! You will have money to spend on other pastimes, and you will never ever wake up at 3am with that feeling of dread. I love my sober life.