The Sunday Sober Stories
- Ali Payne
- Aug 21
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 24
If you’ve ever found yourself googling “Am I drinking too much?” or wondering if life would be dull without wine, this story is for you
In my coaching work, I speak to amazing women who feel stuck in the grey area — not rock-bottom, but not feeling their best either. That’s why I love sharing real, honest stories from women who’ve made the decision to change their relationship with alcohol.
To kick start this series of interviews today’s guest, is me! I open up about my journey — the fears, the challenges, the surprising wins — and what life looks like now without booze.
Whether you're sober curious, newly alcohol-free, or just wondering what this path could look like for you, I hope my story helps you feel a little more seen, understood, and inspired.
Can you tell us a little about what your relationship with alcohol used to look like?
I started drinking when I was 15, which was definitely my way of looking and feeling cooler, having more confidence and thinking I was a bit of a rebel. In my 20s I lived and worked in London and had a lot of fun, with nights out part of the job and almost frowned upon if you didn’t go out. I was always the last one out though and sometimes stopped off somewhere on the way home too. Oh and eating was cheating, so I got used to drinking alcohol on an empty stomach too. I was out most nights during the week and “recovering” on a weekend.
In my 30s drinking mainly took place at home or, if I was going out, I’d have a couple to calm my nerves and try and “pace” myself during the evening, but only so I didn’t get drunk too quickly or have too bad a hangover. It felt like a constant juggling act and that’s before you factor in the constant planning on when I would and wouldn’t drink, what I would drink and whether I had something planned for the next day I needed to be clearheaded for. I also suffer with anxiety so drinking was my way of masking that too. I used to say drinking was the only thing that made me happy and yet, I felt toxic and hated myself.
What was your “enough is enough” moment — or did it happen more gradually for you?
I’d been drinking more and more, relying on alcohol to cure all my ailments and worries. It was a Saturday afternoon in late Winter and I’d got jealous over seeing a friend out without me (which just shows my level of emotional maturity!) and gone home straight to the bottle, probably preceded by a couple of G&Ts. The next day I felt awful. I’d already had quite a few boozy weekends before this and was feeling pretty fed up - that toxic feeling as taking over. I’d already started to think I wanted to get sober - the previous September I chatted with someone on Drink Aware who said I was becoming “dependent” on alcohol - and had followed and @SassySoberMum. On February 19th, 2023 I messaged SassySoberMum on Instagram and said: “I think I need to stop drinking for a while but don’t know where to start.” Her reply was a lifeline and I will be forever grateful to Teri. Eight days later I started my wonderful new sober life.
What were your biggest fears about stopping drinking? And did any of them come true?
I used to say that I was only happy when I was drunk. How could I be happy without wine? It turns out I would be happy without wine; happier than I ever imagined.
How did the people around you react when you decided to stop drinking?
I actually kept quiet and only told two people at the start. I wanted to focus on getting sober. Some were surprised and said “you weren’t that bad”, but I knew I (mostly) managed to control things as my tolerance was so high. My husband was incredibly supportive and also stopped for six weeks. He drinks less now too.
What surprised you the most about sobriety — good or bad?
That getting sober isn’t just about stopping drinking - it’s so much more! My mental and physical health improved (better skin, eyes, hair) and my sleep is so good too. It has been hard sitting with feelings instead of drowning them in wine, but I feel so strong knowing that I deal with the good and the bad without the need for a drink to celebrate or commiserate. Being the designated driver will never get old either - I love being the one who gets everyone home at the end of the night.
What’s been the most helpful thing in staying sober (tool, mindset, habit, or support)?
Joining a sober group. I initially signed up for a month of Sassy Sober Mum’s Thrive group and quickly found this was the place for me - I had no idea there were women out there like me! I was in the group for about a year and a half and I still miss those weekly Zooms. I made some really great friends too. There are loads of different types of sober support groups out there, including The Sober Club run by Janey Lee Grace, who I trained with to be a sober coach. You just need to find the right one for you.
Have your social life and relationships changed since becoming alcohol-free? If so, how?
In the first couple of years I didn’t go out as much, but I was dealing with a serious family illness and subsequent bereavement, so I just didn’t fancy it. I’m very selective over the events I say yes to these days, but going to gigs, theatre and dinners are activities I enjoy the most. Having said that, I love a cosy night in and I’m usually in bed by 10pm reading a good book. Family life is better too as there are no drunken (forgotten) arguments with my husband and I am more patient with the kids too (mostly!).
What does self-care look like for you now that you’re not drinking?
Every day that passes I take better care of myself. Good breakfasts, healthy lunches, yummy dinners and my skincare is top notch. I also set boundaries and say “no” to things I don’t want to do. But I also have days where I don’t leave the house and eat junk food. It’s all about balance!
If you could go back and speak to yourself in those early days, what would you say?
You’re doing everything you need to and you won’t believe how amazing everything will be when you’re sober.
What’s one thing you want other women to know about life without alcohol?
You will never regret not drinking.
If my story has sparked something in you, and you’re curious about what sobriety could look like for you, I’d love to help.
You can book a free clarity call with me by emailing ali@alipaynecoaching.com — just a supportive chat to explore what you want next.
